I have 2 pieces of Wrigleys Doublemint chewing gum thats been on my desk since the last time I saw him.  I see it at the corner of my eye everyday as I sit in front of my computer. Day after day I pretend its not there. I dont really want to touch it. I dont want to eat it. I dont want to keep it. I can't bring myself to throw it away. 

It reminds me of him. Of the last time I saw him. I see his face in my mind, I remember the expression on his face as he reached for it... comfortable, like we've been together forever... the way people look when they know that they dont have to ask because nothing is either 'yours' or 'mine' anymore... its 'ours'. I remember staring at him, him unaware, smiling to myself thinking this is it... this is the One. Looking at the gum makes me miss having him in my life. I cant really move on no matter how much I try to make myself believe that I have. He is that gum.

The last 48 hours have been really fukd up. Like things are too heavy for me to carry anymore and i cant move forward. All I wanted to do was run far far away as the tears came. And all I cld think of was how much I wish I cld talk to him. I need to talk to someone but he's the only one I want to talk to. But I know if I call him he'll say something stupid like he misses me and all the progress I've been holding on to will be blown away. I'm missing him so much today its painful. When will this stop? When is my crazy head going to stop relating that damn piece of freakin gum to him?