| The End of an Era...
The era probably ended a long time ago. Its me and my unbelievably annoying inability to embrace changes in my life that’s kept me holding on to the past. I think I’ve lost my best friend. He’s finally seen me for the fraud that I really am. And he’s finally had enough of the crap that I throw his way. He wouldn’t be the first. Why do we treat the people we care about so carelessly but keep up false pretenses and treat people we barely know so nicely? Or is it just me? Is there something universally wrong with me?
It’s funny how everything happens for a reason. My life is a mess. Everything that happens goes round in circles. Cause & Effect… Action & Reaction… There are things u regret, but if u think, there's a reason behind it. Always. An element in the event set off a domino reaction leading to another experience essential to your growth as a person. For example, I always thought I wasn’t good enough to be a writer, hence my decision to go to med school. That path took me thru a painful, heart-wrenching experience, exposing my soul, pouring out poetry and thoughts that improved me as a writer. I was insightful and full of inspiration, producing poetry that wld make Lord Byron proud, something I never had the talent for… and I have years of unfinished poetry to prove it. If I hadn’t gone to med school, wld I have had that breakthrough? My gut feeling tells me I wouldn’t have. I wouldn’t meet the person behind this incident thus how could that incident ever happen? Would I be where I am now if I had chosen a different path?
It makes you wonder if your path in life is already laid out in front of you. If so, should you even bother doing anything at all? Stumbling onto that thought was the turning point that brought about this turmoil. What I want wouldn’t be relevant because the future was already written. We are but puppets on a string, controlled by an outside force. Now that I’ve received recognition as a writer, there is little I can do to advance myself because here I am, trapped in med school feeling like a candle burning out at both ends. If I had chosen the path to become a writer and didn’t have that breakthrough, could I have been as good as I am today? Puppets on a string… the thought of not being in control of my own life produced a void inside me…
I try to convince myself that what happened is for the best, and God has His reasons. Because if it isn’t some sort of divine intervention, then it means that I have yet again, destroyed to a pulp, a part of my life that was dear to me. It means that I am now even more of a screw-up then I was before. And the worst part of it is, the reason behind this present drama is so stupid… |
| |
